i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
