Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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