my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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