Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
