If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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