yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
