Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
