my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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