Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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