you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
did i just pee glitter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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