Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
