I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
