just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
