i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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