OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
