there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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