It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
