So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
