Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
