I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
