This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
