please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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