This is the prime rib incident all over again
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
