I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
