One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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