he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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