his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
