I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
