sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
