i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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