R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
