I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
