Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
