he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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