If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
