you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
