brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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