I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
