she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
