your thong is hanging out like whoa
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
