Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
