Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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