There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
