"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
