im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
