you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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