I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think people are normalizing furries
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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