dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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