its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
