I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
