I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
