so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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