Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
