there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
