In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This baby is an asshole
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
