i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
