Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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