drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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