shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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