i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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