i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
