I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize