i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
