I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
