Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
