i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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