it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize