i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
