I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
