Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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