Will you blow on my dice?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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