So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize