I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
