Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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