stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
