You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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